In yet another twist in the long line of weird thing that go on in Michael Jackson’s life, reports coming out of the US are claiming that the former King of Pop is has remarried. The story is that he secretly married his children’s nanny.

Source say that Wacko Jacko married long-time staff member Grace Rwaramba some time ago. That poor woman now has three step children whose faces she can never see, thanks to them always wearing masks and wigs.

Other sources are strongly denying the rumor.

“Wide spreading reports regarding Michael Jackson being married are not true. Documents stating otherwise are a hoax,” said one source.

Where rumors like this come from is anybody’s guess. What’s more perplexing is that people actually seem bothered. Who is Michael Jackson’s nanny? Has anybody ever seen a picture of her? We’ve got no idea who she is or what she looks like, and we really don’t care.

As for the long-awaited comeback, the album should be dropping some time soon, with collaborations with the likes of 50 Cent and Akon. There are also rumors of a world tour. If he can keep himself together without doing anything else weird, perhaps some good will finally come from Michael Jackson’s world again.

Some strange revelations from George Michael today. It appears that the former face of Wham! only became interested in music after he suffered a severe blow to the head.

In an interview with Kirsty Young on BBC Radio 4, Michael said that before he received his head injury as a child, stitches and all, he was only interested in bugs and insects.

“At the age of about eight I had a head injury and I know it sounds bizarre and unlikely, but it was quite a bad bang, and I had it stitched up and stuff, but all my interests changed, everything changed in six months,” said Michael.

We knew he was weird, but this is a whole new kettle of fish. Does this mean that if a young boy hadn’t taken a bump on the head, we wouldn’t have had to endure the music of Wham!? Now that’s an interesting though. Perhaps another blow to the head would be enough to get him to go back to his insects.

Any takers?

Michael, who has sold over 85 million records, said that after his blow to the head he became obsessed with music. It was like he became a different person. Maybe that’s what happened to Micahel Jackson.

Proving that there are still music fans with taste, a survey by a UK-based digital broadcasting service, Music Choice, revealed that the band most fans want to see get back together is Pink Floyd. More than a quarter of the 5,000 people surveyed voted for the aging rockers, who gave us such classics as “Comfortably Numb”, to reunite.

Despite selling more than 250 million records, founding member Roger Waters continues to rule out the possibility of the boys taking to the stage for one last shindig.

If Led Zeppelin can get back together, you’d have thought maybe Pink Floyd could, but alas, music fans just aren’t that lucky. Led Zep will play a charity concert November 26, while other old-timers to get back together include The Police, The Stooges and The Who.

In stark contrast to Pink Floyd, the next most popular request for a reunion was for Abba, followed by Guns ’n’ Roses. Could the world really survive an Abba Reunion? It’s doubtful.

The newly reformed Spice Girls were the band most people wanted to split up (again). The Spice Girls will begin a world tour in December. Nobody has thus far been able to figure out why.

Even bigger than the launch of Spiral Frog is the news that Amazon is due to launch a new music-download website, imaginatively named Amazon MP3. The service, which will offer tracks for as little as 89 cents, is the latest in a line of companies attempting to oust iTunes as the world’s premier music-download service.

Online-seller Amazon unveiled plans for Amazon MP3 this week, announcing a service with more than two million downloads available for users to buy, with albums going for between $5.99 and $9.99.

Users of Amazon MP3 will be able to play downloaded songs on any device, including Apple’s iPod, due to no copy protection being used on all files. This is likely to attract iPod users who currently pay $1.29 for each song from iTunes, which has a 70% share of the market at present.

Almost 20,000 record labels are behind Amazon MP3, and the world is waiting to see how Apple will respond to the launch of this and Spiral Frog. If it means cheaper music for all of us then it can’t be a bad thing. We’re excited about the launch of all these new services.

Whether or not another paid service can succeed when we all know how to download songs for free will be the real test for Amazon. The digital music market is worth some $2 billion, so people do still buy their music at least some of the time, although CD sales are at the lowest for years.

What has happened to Ian Brown? This guy really needs to stop making solo albums. The World is Yours is his fifth studio offering since The Stone Roses split 11 years ago, but this has to be his worse musical offering to date. The sound is old and stale, and no number of orchestral accompaniments can save it.

Generally admired as a talented songwriter, here he’s singing songs that could have been penned by a teenager. You know what sort of direction an album is going to take when you see that there is a duet with Sinead O’Connor on it. Has anybody managed to hold together a decent duet with Sinead in all these years (excluding Prince)?

Tracks like “Illegal Attacks” are unpleasant to listen to lyrically, while other songs are so dull musically that the lyrics become immaterial. Every track sounds like it could have been an Ian Brown B-side 10 years ago. It’s sad to listen to, because there were high hopes for this album.
The production work is too clean and adds nothing to the album. It’s not rock, it’s not indie, it’s kind of hip hop, but it’s got no soul.

He’s done many great things and been a part of many great tracks, but you won’t fid any of them on The World is Yours. It sounds rushed and it sounds like Ian Brown just doesn’t give a f*ck any more.

Bat for Lashes are an all-girl, four-piece band from England. They’re something special though. If you can imagine Bjork and Tori Amos and Kate Bush merged into one, you’re still nowhere near the power behind the music of Bat for Lashes.

The 2006 album Fur and gold was one of the underrated classics of last year. Natasha Khan is the girl in charge of the troop, and what a damn fine job she does of it. Her voice mesmerizing. It’s soft and captivating, and yet it has emotion behind it, as you’d expect with Bjork, but somehow it’s easier to relate to.

Fur and Gold should have won this year’s Merucry Music Prize, but sadly it lost out to those godawful Klaxons. What’s the world coming to? Tracks such as “Horse and I” and “Bat’s Mouth” are pure magic. The music has a real dark edge to it. It’s down tempo with real hints of folk in it.

Bat for Lashes should go on to great things and we are awaiting a new album eagerly. The sort of music they make isn’t to everybody’s liking, which is probably why Bat for Lashes are yet to really burst into the mainstream, but for casual listening, it’s inspiring.

Blonde Redhead’s seventh studio album, 23, is a wonder to behold. Japanese former-art student Kazu Makino and twin brothers Simone and Amedeo Pace are back after a three-year absence with what could be the album of the year. They perform in English, Japanese, Italian and French.

The music is sweet, radiant pop and indie with a dark edge to it. Makino’s voice is soothing and peaceful, but it has an unmistakable power to it. The drumming is precise with the guitar chords simple yet effective.

23 is 10 tracks of genuine emotion. From the melodic title track, through the beautiful “Top Ranking” to the unsettling “SW”, this is a band at the top of their game. Although they have been active for almost 15 years, Blonde Redhead have failed to achieve widespread popularity in the past, but with an album like 23 they’ve begun touching base with a new audience of listeners.

This album has romance, it has tragedy, it screams from the hills and whispers from beside you – it’s an intense music journey that stands out from the rest of this year’s album releases because it’s original.

Simply put, if you buy this album your life will be better. Blonde Redhead are a class act.

Honestly. We could devote an entire category to “stupid things Britney is doing”. As if her career wasn’t enough in tatters after that performance, now she’s only gone and pulled a Paris: Britney has been charged with driving without a license and hit and run.

She could be jailed for up to a year for this, and you’ve gotta think that she could do with some time inside for quiet reflection. Somebody needs to seriously help the girl out.

Apparently, Britney Spears drove into a parked car and then sped off from the scene. At least nobody was hurt, but the exact circumstances surrounding this one are a mystery.

She could have been drunk, high, with friends, on the phone – we just don’t know yet.

We’re gonna say it: Britney Spears is dead. We don’t know who this imposter is, but she’s ugly, uncouth, untalented, weak and ignorant. This isn’t our pop princess. This tabloid whore has taken enough column inches.

A hearing is set for October 10, although to the disappointment of the paparazzi Britney doesn’t have to attend it.

This fake Britney is starting to freak us out even more than Michael Jackson with his obsession for forcing his three children, one of who is named Blanket, to wear wigs in public.

Despite being the most annoying band on earth, one of the Klaxons has managed to get himself engaged to a hot chick. Simon Taylor, whose picture alone is enough to make you want to pull your hair out, is due to get married to CSS-lady Lovefoxxx (probably not her real name). She’s a beautiful girl and now she’s going to have to wake up next to that oaf every day. Is there no justice in the world?

They met this year on the Shockwaves NME Awards Indie Rave Tour (what the hell is Indie Rave?) and fell in love. It’s being dubbed by NME (those bastions of made-up genres and rubbish journalism) as a “new-rave wedding”. That’s one for the kids (literally) there.

CSS-drummer Adriano Cintra said, “They’re the happiest couple of MySpace. They’re gonna get married, it’s not a rumour. They’re gonna have baby CSS-Klaxons, it’s gonna be beautiful.”

The less aid about Klaxons the better. They’ve been ruining British music for about a year already and they must be stopped. We like CSS though, but a marriage such as this one can only spawn evil things.

If you can’t afford tickets to the next Klaxons concert, you can make your own by taking a bag of cats and a set of crockery and throwing the whole lot down a flight of stairs. Sounds great, right?

We love it when someone gets one over on 50 cent. But to do it twice? Wow, now that’s something. Not only did Kanye West outsell 50 Cent when the pair went head to head with their latest albums, but he also pipped him for a Music of Black Origin (Mobo) award for best hip hop artist.

It’s official: Kanye is better. The Mobo’s aren’t the most interesting awards going, particularly when a joker like shaggy is booked to perform, but for a short dose of pop and hip hop the whole thing was rather fun. Kanye also won the award for best video, which perplexes us because he just ripped off Daft Punk.

Also at the awards, Amy Winehouse won the best British female gong, beating the likes of Joss Stone. Miss Winehouse didn’t look to be in the best of shape, bringing up disturbing memories of Britney’s horrible performance a few weeks ago. Despite not being black or really singing music of black origin, Winehouse still performed a two-song set.

Our favorite rapper Dizzee Rascal won best British male artist. Unsurprisingly, Rihanna won best international act while aging wannabe gangster Tim Westwood won best DJ for about the hundredth time. Can you believe he’s 50 years old? He could be your dad! Now there’s a thought.